There are a lot of messages hard wired in me that I need to "be something." I was raised with strong ideas of what success is. My father is still waiting for me to write a book that makes me famous. It's a for-real expectation I am confronted with fairly regularly.
I have learned that although I feel awesome when I am kick ass and teaching all the things. I know I could be all that. I could work my ass off building an empire. .
Yet I have learned I love to be still. I love coffee and mornings. I love naps. I love intimate in real life relationships. I love walking. Not running. Just walking. And watching the trees.
Everyone needs to find out what brings you fulfillment. For me, my ego would love if I write that book and build that empire. But my soul really loves intimate relationships that are present focused. .
Listen to you.
Not those outside messages of success.
Not ideas of who you should be.
Listen to you.
Build your business around your soul's work. Not your ego's. Or your dad's ego. Build your life to feed your soul.
I will hold you while you do. I would love to hear your dream. Tell me your soul story.
I know it's crazy. Let me tell you why you MUST start planning NOW (August?!) for your holiday vacation if you are self-employed.
Okay, let me run through the reasons to plan for the holidays now.
1. You don't get paid vaca time working for yourself. Now is the time to be clear about what days you are going to work leading up to the holidays and what days you want off. Look at your budget and your Profit/Loss worksheet. Really think about how much you can afford to miss (and not just what you are assuming in your head). Hopefully you've been setting aside some money for this time of year, but if not, make sure you add that to your resolutions list for 2019.
2. Think about when clients tend to be out. For example, do you want to work the week between Christmas and New Years if only half your clients come in? Would you want to but would want to consolidate them on two days?
3. Think about your emotional load of clients + holidays + family in town. There is a heavier emotional burden around the holidays that may require more self care. You might need a day off WITHOUT your family around. Maybe after everyone goes back to work and school. Maybe before everyone is off. Don't underestimate the additional emotional load.
4. Plan a day to set aside to get your 1099s in order. Your 1099s are due at the end of January. That's a long ways off... but... you might need some wiggle room to collect W9 forms. Don't have a clue what I'm talking about? Check out this blog post.
A little planning now can make the holidays WAY more fun. Go sit in the sunshine, and think about what you need to ENJOY (not just survive) the holidays.
Love to you!
This blog post from 5/10/18 is a great reminder of why you should consider joining a mastermind. With virtual and live mastermind options, you can definitely find a group that will fit you.
Mastermind Groups are everywhere you look.
There's a good reason for it, too.
A mastermind group takes the energy, knowledge and support from a group of people working towards a common goal and harnesses it to help members take action. When a mastermind group has a leader, that person is tasked with keeping the group focused, providing them clarity, and facilitating conversations and relationships.
The power of the group is in the people.
With correctly chosen members, and the right leader, the group is a powerhouse.
For therapists, a mastermind group can be an amazing way to find out more about how to run a business, learn a therapy technique, or work on a project. Sociologists know the power of a well-functioning group. This is an amazing way to get tasks done.
What differentiates one mastermind group from another are several things:
- the qualities of the leader of the group
- the experience of the members
- the personalities and values of the members
- the goals of the group
Finding a group to fit you means making sure you jive with these aspects.
When I lead mastermind groups I am very clear on the values and characteristics of my group. I lead groups that are:
- depth oriented
- business focused
My groups start and end with self-care practices to provide a solid foundation for the work we do in between. These activities are life-long practices that benefit the members' businesses time after time.
What kind of mastermind group are you looking for?
by Musarat Yusufali LCSW
I remember eons ago (or that’s what it seems like to me now), I was walking and talking to a colleague about being interested in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and wanting to specialize in that. Now that I think back to that time, I had no idea what I was talking about or didn’t even know why I wanted to get into DBT. In my young mind, I was attracted by the skills that it aimed to teach and created the change people wanted. I had no idea that it actually had some basis to it.
Fast forward to today, I have done training in DBT through the Behavior Tech organization founded by Marsha Linehan, I have utilized DBT in group settings with adults, adolescents and parents and I use it in my private practice all the time. DBT is a treatment protocol that was created by Marsha Linehan that integrates acceptance and change based therapy models to treat chronic suicidal ideation and self-injurious behaviors.
As you may be familiar, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is very effective for clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or traits of BPD. In our clinical jargon, it’s an evidence based protocol for treating patients that have high rates of suicidal ideation, self-injurious behavior and life destroying behaviors. Usually DBT treatment consistents of a treatment team that are all versed in DBT values and may include an individual DBT therapist, a group DBT therapist, a family liason or parent coach, a psychiatrist and other providers as needed.
For me, the biggest research that I found to be fascinating is the research around just adding DBT coping skills into a person’s regular therapy routine and the effectiveness it had on treatment outcomes. The PhD folks, who like numbers and data, conducted 11 research studies where they only added DBT skills component and they found it supported participants in reducing emotional dysregulation, anxiety symptoms, anger outbursts and depression. They even found, DBT skills only helped adults manage their ADHD symptoms, reduce binge eating behaviors, and reduction in drinking to cope among college students.
So imagine, you have a new client come in and they tell you they have been self-injuring for the last few years and they haven’t told anyone. This is usually what happens with several teens I work with, now what are you going to do? They tell you, they don’t know what else to do. Self-injuring makes them feel better. Imagine if you can have the DBT skill set in your knowledge base, you can immediately give this teen one or two coping skills they can start working with. If you later decide this teen would benefit from a DBT skills group in the community, they can attend group while continuing to do individual therapy with you and this treatment protocol will be more effective for them.
This is why I love DBT skills so much. I personally think DBT skills are like the floaters when someone is learning to swim, using a floater can help someone gain their confidence while they are learning to use their muscles of the feet as well as learn how to let go of their fear and learn to float. DBT skills gives the person a structure and method to deal with their external and internal struggles (a float) while they continue to work on deeper strengths (building a secure attachment, self-confidence, self-awareness).
Let me know what questions you have about DBT, reach out with an email: firstname.lastname@example.org